Oral History: The gift of the family narrative
Holidays are special for many reasons like good food, time off from school and work, and family gatherings. While they are not always ideal due to inherent stress and drama, family get-togethers can be very important to the development of children’s emotional health and happiness. A growing body of research has revealed that children who understand and identify with their “family narrative” are more resilient and have a better orientation to success. Family narrative refers to the family’s history and core values. Communication of family information across generations is particularly important according to Marshall Duke, a psychology professor at Emory. He asserts that family stories create meaning beyond the individual child and add to his or her core sense of self or identity. Children who know about their family’s history have higher self esteem, lower levels of behavior disturbance, and a greater “internal locus of control” or self efficacy. Children with an internal locus of control believe in their own capacity to succeed and have a strong sense of control in their own lives. Dr. Duke and his wife, Dr. Robyn Fivush, a psychologist, developed a twenty question “Do You Know Scale” for children. They researched 48
families using this scale in 2001 and found that the more children knew about family milestones, tragedies, triumphs, and the story of their birth, the higher their sense of control over their lives and the higher their self esteem. This knowledge was the number one predictor of emotional well being and happiness in the children studied.
How does knowledge of family history positively impact a child’s adjustment? Connectedness. Children who learn about grandmother’s and grandfather’s stories feel that they are part of something beyond themselves. Stories of triumph over adversity strengthen an individual child’s sense of self because the child is related to the ancestor’s experience. (These triumphs don’t have to be epic, but can be
everyday experiences like hard work and tenacity.) Identification with elders also provides a stable sense of values and standards for behavior and accomplishment; it is what Duke calls the “intergenerational self.”
It is not just the stories told and the history learned; the process of transmission also matters. Families must come together and take time to communicate and listen to each other to relate this information. Holidays, regular family gatherings, and daily discussions at bedtime or around the table are also related
to a sense of connection and belonging. So just teaching the child facts about the family will not do it. Learning the family narrative is done gradually and in the context of evolving relationships between the child and his or her family. As children develop and encounter challenges and victories, their experience is woven into the texture of the intergenerational story and contributes to his or her identity formation. It is a reciprocal transaction, or give and take, between the child and family members that counts. For this to happen the child does not just listen and learn; he is heard and his experience is incorporated into the family story. This process is also a means of guiding the child in the process of moral development. For example families may have defining beliefs or values that the child learns to identify with such as giving to charity, religious beliefs, or orientation to human rights. Some families adopt regular family meetings to define values, rules, and codes of behavior. But most transmit these messages more informally with
parents and elders modeling and discussing beliefs and behaviors they want to the children to emulate.
Holidays, vacations, and daily commutes in the car are all opportunities to tell the narrative of a family. To do this, however, families must unplug from technology and talk to each other. And the intergenerational aspect of the family story is especially important for children to develop a connection to their past. By the way, it is perfectly fine for grandmother to embellish a bit when retelling her glory days stories. The process of listening and telling is as important as the history itself.