Gender and Identity Formation in Adolescence
The notion of gender has become more complex and freer. As with many advances in culture, there are associated struggles along with victories. Gender identity has traditionally been limited to a binary male-female distinction. Today people are looking beyond the binary and using a broader lens of self definition. Some do not want to be labeled male or female, while others want to explore their identity without consideration of gender. This is referred to as gender fluid (or gender queer). Gender dysphoria refers to individuals who may be uncomfortable with or deeply troubled by their assigned gender. Some but not all individuals who are gender dysphoric are transgender. There is a lot for all of us to learn and understand about gender and identity today. While some may be tempted to regard gender fluidity as a fad or trend, this view will not be helpful in discourse with a child or teen. Gender fluidity feels new and challenges older people's notions of a very established, set quality- understanding the nature of gender. For many parents this whole thing may be unsettling and difficult to relate to. However this aspect of being is with us to stay and it calls for sensitivity and understanding.
Parents of children and adolescents who explore gender in a more liberated way may become concerned that this questioning reflects gender dysphoria with sexual reassignment a destination. However this is not necessarily true. Children and adolescents may question and explore for the sake of understanding themselves and challenging the status quo. Trying out a pronoun change, wearing clothes or adopting interests and mannerisms of one's unassigned gender does not equate to gender dysphoria or mean the child/teen is transgender. We live in a freer society and it feels good to rise above the sometimes oppressive way that expectations of boys and girls have been set. For some children and teens, just having the space to explore and communicate with supportive parents about the experience is enough. Feeling validated while exploring one's true self can guide in general identity formation.
On the other hand, some young people may indeed be treading a painful path of understanding their true self and gender identity may be part of this struggle. Parental sensitivity and open mindedness are called for. Determining what your child is questioning or perhaps even suffering about requires time and discernment. Only the child or adolescent can guide this process. However parents and others, including mental health and other professionals can be a valuable partner on this journey.
Sometimes there is a very early and acute awareness of difference related to gender. Fortunately some youngsters are allowed to gradually learn about who they are with supportive families. Transgender people are not necessarily encumbered by emotional distress if they are understood and follow a path that helps them feel as they are meant to be. However thoughtful discernment is vital. Occasionally children and adolescents who are gay (or questioning) have the belief that their external gender should switch to match a traditional (heteronormative) notion of sexuality. With guidance they may be led in the direction of embracing their sexual preference as they are.
Adolescence is a time of great transformation and for many a very difficult time. Youngsters can become derailed by depression, poor body image, sexuality and identity formation. People who are working out their gender identity and are struggling with what to do about it deserve to have mental health counseling especially if they are considering gender reassignment. (This in no way implies that transgender people are mentally ill.) Parents of younger children who believe they are transgender should take the matter seriously and consult with a development professional that can offer guidance. It is up to parents and other caring adults to tune in, listen without judgment and walk beside the person who is figuring themselves out. Sometimes the journey of identity is rocky. Responding sensitively and broadly to what the child or teen is working out while avoiding rash reaction is the best way forward.
For more information:
Singal, J. "Your child says she's trans". The Atlantic: July/August, 2018. Pp. 89-107.
This article was published in NOLA Family Magazine